Farmer’s Daughter at 1986 Farmer’s Fair. The 16 year old me is 2nd from right.
Dear Younger Me,
Over the years, those ever SHORT years…27 of them to be exact, since I was the age you are now, 16, young and excited about my future…I have thought about the words I would say to the me of then. You know, the “if only I would have known” words?!
I have always pushed those words to the back of my mind because, in all honesty, I thought they were best left unsaid. Even now I hesitate to say them lest they be misunderstood. I believe though, that transparency is always a good thing.
Today as I turn 43 I think it’s time to let the words come to the forefront. So here we go…
YOU ARE GOD’S BELOVED
Stop shaking your head at me!
I know the negative emotion that stirs up in your heart when you hear His name. The hatred caused by your Mommy’s death when you were only 10. It has left an after taste all these years later.
Trust me here that God is good and he does love you. In a few years you will see Him for who He really is.
Prepare to be amazed!
Prepare to be inspired to greater things! Rip you out of your comfort zone sorts of things.
Prepare to be conflicted because of the secret abuses you endure.
Prepare to feel all those feelings towards God, of when you were little, as you go through a horrific divorce.
Prepare to do STUPID…and I mean CRAZY STUPID…things as you lose all but that tiny mustard seed of your faith and believe for a time God has turned His back on you.
Prepare to believe that the Man who could never not (is that functional grammar 😉 ) love you must truly hate you. How could He otherwise allow a monster to reign while you continue to suffer injustices?
Prepare to see again that God’s love is not dependent on man, yourself, or those who claim to love Him.
YOUR DREAMS ARE IMPORTANT
Right now you envision swimming with dolphins and whales. That dream will never leave your heart, at least it hasn’t yet.
I know you’re already feeling the exasperation that you set this dream aside for someone else’s, because your dreams matter to you. Dream is as important a word to you as love.
I encourage you to own the feelings and disappointments as coming from your own choices.
Move on. Dream new dreams. Believe me, they are wonderful dreams!!!
Oh, you’ll be creating scrapbooks for the FFA Star Regional Reporter contest (you win that, by the way, and get to compete at State). That matters because they are the beginnings of the Graphic Designer you will be when you are my age.
OK, you can quit giggling already! I know you don’t think you’re in artist. Accept that there is a deeply creative artistic person hidden within you. Nurture her.
…TO BE CONTINUED tomorrow.