This is the final installment to the Dear Me series. Thank you for taking the time to read my heart. I hope my transparency has helped others.
BE SELFLESS… with a healthy dose of reality.
Please don’t take this wrong but you are an incredibly. selfish. person. In a few years you will see this more clearly, and you will be disgusted with your self love.
Around this time you will come under some preaching that will, in the end, because of the sold out way you live, result in your becoming a voiceless drone. You will be taught in upfront and in round about ways that the way to be happy is to have no desires, rights, or voice.
Suffice it to say that you will come to the place where this mindset will only cause more abuse and hatred. Persuaded that you are to blame for everything you hurt yourself to dull the pain. The pain, of course, only intensifies. Eventually you come to a place where you completely despise yourself.
This behavior only serves to give your abuser another weapon to use against you. All he has to do is convince you that you are to blame and allow you to punish yourself so he can hurt you without ever touching you.
Here’s where the healthy dose of reality comes in. It is never acceptable to be abused by anyone, yourself included. Nor is it right to be the only one devoted to a relationship at the cost of everything to yourself.
Eventually you do understand this and begin to stand up for your rights. Then the phone calls will begin. You will be surrounded in church by deacons and their wives and not allowed to leave until you acknowledge your wrong-doing. And will spend a few hours being chastened by pastors and their spouses. Scolded on all fronts for your “sins”, you’ll be told that your choice to believe God wants to protect you and allows for you to stand up for your rights is evil speaking.
While all his lies are believed you begin to lose everything, including your older children. Learn from my mistakes – don’t explain your decisions, just keep your mouth shut and remember it is not wrong for you to stand upon the truth. The people who truly love you will understand without explanation, in spite of the circumstances.
Thankfully a dear friend helps you realize that protecting yourself from harm isn’t selfish. And she walks the path towards reclaiming realistic selflessness with you.
Use the songs that come across the radio to cheer you, help you to grieve. Enjoy the fun. Bopping in your van will cause people in neighboring cars to look askew in your direction, but who cares. Sing anyways.
Music makes you happy. It ministers to your soul. It’s a balm.
Throw away all the silly man-made rules and live your life, one song at a time.
After all the serious heaviness of this letter I can only conclude on a happy note.
You will be 18 before your crazy, jacked up teeth reach near perfection. Those ugly metal braces will come off and reveal an amazing smile. I know that sounds conceited but from what everyone tells me, it’s one of your best features.
Believe me your smile will be something people around you will appreciate. There is just something about a person who smiles through their adversity that speaks louder than any words you can ever say.
Before I forget…let me remind you to wear your retainer. Just sayin’! 🙂
You have had, and will continue to have, no doubt, so many tragic things happen to you that you will be tempted to wear a frown. Don’t!
Don’t you dare let your hurts and grief take over your heart and life.
Smile through the tears! I know you can. I know you will.
Stay strong and keep looking up.
The still smiling you.