I received a call from a friend concerned that I was not going to church anymore. When I asked where they had heard it from it went like this…a pastor told the evangelist, who told another evangelist, who told his wife, who called me.
I’m thankful for my friend who called me. She is the only one, in this particular situation, who has handled anything in a Biblical manner. Even when she had one of my
‘friends’ former ‘friends’, who claims to love and care about me, tell her she was crazy for helping me. However, I’m infinitely more disgusted with the first evangelist who has gossiped about me at least three times now. Not once has he called me, as is Biblical.
As it is I’m struggling to find my place within the church. Afraid to stay IFB. Afraid to go to any church. Afraid to admit I was involved in, and perpetuated, a religion not a faith.
Most of these people were my dearest friends. My confidants. At one time in my life they meant more to me than my own family. Only to receive letters from them stating that I am crazy, and that they always felt something wasn’t quite right with me, to them feeling the presence of Satan around me. All because I said enough was enough. All because I’m not perfect and I had a breaking point that I had already far surpassed. All because…God only knows.
You all who criticize me and are reading this, I plead with you to examine your own hearts. How have any of you stepped in to help your sister in Christ when you knew she was struggling? When you heard of the turmoil in her life when did you do as Christ would have done? How many times did God speak to you about me and you turned a deaf ear to encourage me?
Instead, you sit there looking down your nose upon me for choices I didn’t make. You demand that I quit destroying my life and the church yet you embrace the one who made the choices. Hypocrites. Whited sepulchers. All of you!
I surrendered, and fully gave, my life and my heart for what the IFB or Fundamentalism preaches and believes as Biblical. I dare anyone to do what I have done, under the circumstances in which I have done them, give up what I gave up, and come out a whole productive person. Let alone to walk away with any faith at all.
You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves!!!
It makes me sick to my stomach to realize I was a part of the same elite click of ‘believers’ who steadfastly hold that their way
was is the only way. I too sat in your positions and had all the right answers. Quite frankly, that’s what causes the bile to rise into my throat.
God forgive me!
For the record, I stopped going to this gossiping evangelists home church because I was being forced to agree with deacon’s wives in regards to their beliefs about my life. I refused. After they wouldn’t allow me to leave the church for several minutes I walked (really, crutched) away and never looked back. I found a good IFB church 20 mins away. Which I attended until I had to make the decision to feed my kids or buy gasoline. Judge me if you will, but not one of you has offered to help me get to church…just sayin’!