Practice What You Preach

I received a call from a friend concerned that I was not going to church anymore. When I asked where they had heard it from it went like this…a pastor told the evangelist, who told another evangelist, who told his wife, who called me.

I’m thankful for my friend who called me. She is the only one, in this particular situation, who has handled anything in a Biblical manner. Even when she had one of my ‘friends’ former ‘friends’, who claims to love and care about me, tell her she was crazy for helping me. However, I’m infinitely more disgusted with the first evangelist who has gossiped about me at least three times now. Not once has he called me, as is Biblical.

As it is I’m struggling to find my place within the church. Afraid to stay IFB. Afraid to go to any church. Afraid to admit I was involved in, and perpetuated, a religion not a faith.

Most of these people were my dearest friends. My confidants. At one time in my life they meant more to me than my own family. Only to receive letters from them stating that I am crazy, and that they always felt something wasn’t quite right with me, to them feeling the presence of Satan around me. All because I said enough was enough. All because I’m not perfect and I had a breaking point that I had already far surpassed. All because…God only knows.

You all who criticize me and are reading this, I plead with you to examine your own hearts. How have any of you stepped in to help your sister in Christ when you knew she was struggling? When you heard of the turmoil in her life when did you do as Christ would have done? How many times did God speak to you about me and you turned a deaf ear to encourage me?

Instead, you sit there looking down your nose upon me for choices I didn’t make. You demand that I quit destroying my life and the church yet you embrace the one who made the choices. Hypocrites. Whited sepulchers. All of you!

I surrendered, and fully gave, my life and my heart for what the IFB or Fundamentalism preaches and believes as Biblical. I dare anyone to do what I have done, under the circumstances in which I have done them, give up what I gave up,  and come out a whole productive person. Let alone to walk away with any faith at all.

You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves!!!

It makes me sick to my stomach to realize I was a part of the same elite click of ‘believers’ who steadfastly hold that their way was is the only way. I too sat in your positions and had all the right answers. Quite frankly, that’s what causes the bile to rise into my throat.

God forgive me!

For the record, I stopped going to this gossiping evangelists home church because I was being forced to agree with deacon’s wives in regards to their beliefs about my life. I refused. After they wouldn’t allow me to leave the church for several minutes I walked (really, crutched) away and never looked back. I found a good IFB church 20 mins away. Which I attended until I had to make the decision to feed my kids or buy gasoline. Judge me if you will, but not one of you has offered to help me get to church…just sayin’!

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cathy
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 22:45:54

    Dear Debbie,
    I’m so sorry to hear of your extreme pain and spiritual abuse you are still suffering through. I’m so glad that God moved us to Utah away from most of those types of churches. I know it probably doesn’t help you to know that I go to a very caring grace filled church where people have surrounded me with love. That doesn’t mean they truly understand everything I have been going through, but for the most part they have been very gracious and non-judgmental. Please know that somewhere out there, there are people who will surround you with love.
    Sincerely,
    Cathy

    Reply

    • aintlosinmymarbles
      Jan 06, 2012 @ 10:47:39

      Please know that somewhere out there, there are people who will surround you with love.

      So hard to believe right now, but I will take you at your word. I know I have had friends in random places give me support, encouragement and love. I just wish they were all in one place…here. Debbie

      Reply

  2. Jeremy
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 05:16:04

    I hear your pain Debbie. It’s hard to believe I once thought the way that many of these people do. I am ashamed to to say that if it were not for God’s grace, I would be ranked amongst those who accuse you. Prayers and love in Christ.

    Reply

    • aintlosinmymarbles
      Jan 06, 2012 @ 10:45:41

      What is shocking to me is so many feel my pain. And I know I have sat in the same seat of judgement. Kills me with disgust to realize that. Praise God for His grace for getting me out of it and helping me to awake from my slumber.

      Reply

  3. joyfulmom6
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 11:28:35

    Debbie I will help you get to church. I am sorry that these people have done this to you. Please if you have found a church but need gas money let me help you. we are tight but not to tight to help Sister in Christ who has been abandoned by the ones who claim to have loved her. I will be the feet of Jesus to you if you need me to.
    Love Susan

    Reply

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