3 Days to go…

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“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of good, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”  Jeremiah 29:11

Though all of this literally side-swiped me I am reminded that God knew all of this.  This wasn’t some cosmic accident.  It is how God, my Potter, wonderfully and fearfully made me.  Not with a malformation, or a birth defect.  He didn’t take a break when as a baby in my mother’s womb my spine and skull were being formed. 

Nor has He taken a break now.  I find that so wonderfully thoughtful of God.  It’s not like we’re in the Amazing Race or the Biggest Loser.  Take a wrong turn, or gain a pound and we are outta here.  There may be times we feel this way, but just as the wall art says we must trust His heart.  I believe that God is not removed from my situation.  As my Sovereign King He is orchastrating my life to be one of honor and glory to Him.

I’ve had lots of times where I know God has placed me at a cross road.  I’m there now.  You see Chiari is not my only trial.  God has helped me to embrace the Chiari and all it means.

Pain.
Grief.
Misunderstandings.
Apathy.
Sympathy.
Compassion.
Empathy.
Suffering.
Fear.
God.
Christ.
Closeness.
Intensity in prayer.
Enemies.
Friends.
Comfort.
Disgust.
Love.
Sacrifice.

What a unique place I am in right now.  I cry myself to sleep each night.  Usually it begins with fear, than turns to trust.  I don’t want to fail God in this.  I want God to use me through this. 

I’m not a failure because I need brain surgery.

I’m not a failure because I want brain surgery.

I’m not a failure because I fear the outcome.

I’m human!  God created me and oh how He knew this would draw me closer to Him.  I’ve never felt more dependant upon God than I am now.  Never more in love with Him because of who He is for me!

I’m human!  God created me with emotions and a strong personality.  For years I have rejected the person God created because, well, it didn’t fit into the image of the Proverbs 31 woman.  I attempted to fit myself into the mold. 

Squeeze.

Push.

Pull.

Berate.

Pretend.

Something occurred to me this past month…God gave us His Word for edification, instruction in righteousness.  I thought about all the imperfect people in the Bible.  I thought about the different personailites.  And then it dawned on me…Paul said follow me as I follow after Christ.  He didn’t say be exactly like me and you will be a follower of Christ.  There was an allowance, I believe, in his appeal for humanity.  (That’s a whole other blog, Lord willing.)

Jesus didn’t tell the woman at the well to go be like His mother.  The woman caught in adultery to be perfect.  Martha to quit serving and be entirely like Mary.  God gifted Mary with an natural inclination to worship; Martha with a natural inclination to serve. 

So all that said, come Monday afternoon God will have gifted me, I trust, with a successful surgery.  I also pray and hope He will gift me grace for all He’s trying to accomplish in and through my life.  I doubt I will wake up to be Mrs. Duggar, always sweet and calmly meek in my demeanor.  Haha.  Could you imagine that?  Lol.

I will wake up as exactly who God would have me to be!  Glory to God!….Debbie Borrman, stubborn, cautious, motivated, tell it like it is, follower of Jesus Christ, ME! 

Oh, I’ll also be a newly inducted member of the “zipperhead” club!  Wahoo!  

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Judi Boyce
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 16:02:10

    Debbie – Just wanted to let you know you’ve been on my heart all week, and I will diligently be seeking the Lord on your behalf though your surgery and recovery. I’m sure it must be frightening to face the surgery, and my prayer is that God would calm your nerves, give you the very best outcome, and an easy/uncomplicated recovery, and that He would guide and comfort your family through it all. You have always meant a lot to me (even if I never said so). May Christ be praised through it all – Judi

    Reply

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