God leads us!

Have you ever had times in your life where you couldn’t quite explain how you knew you were on the right path you just knew it? 

This has not been one of those times for me.  On the contrary I am day by day seeing God light the next step in the path He has for me. 

How does one explain the necessity to get a copy of records from the neurologist?  OCD or, just maybe, God’s prompting.

Because I “needed” my records I was able to witness to an older couple who had locked their keys in their car.  Once I got home and read my reports I was compelled to understand what was happening in my brain. 

Oh, by the way, they only charged me $10 when I was originally quoted $35.

I love research.  I just do. I’m thinking it goes hand in hand with my curiousity.  Chiari was something I had never heard of.  From late October to now I have spent hours upon hours gleening all I could to wrap my mind around all those ginormous words they use. 

Talk about a crash course in biology, neurology and physiology.  The Lord knew I needed to learn.  He needed to prepare me for news that would have knocked the wind out of me.  He knows I’m an experiential, visual, hands on learning type.  How much more hands on could I get.  I am thinking about asking for a video of MY surgery.  Now that would be gross gory great! 

Kids wouldn’t need to disect a frog to see a hindbrain.  Do frogs even have hindbrains? 🙂

OK, enough silliness. The Lord uses a love of research and a desire to understand to teach me, to prepare me for the bomb of words “there is no question you have Chiari, there is no cure, and no doubt you are a surgical candidate.”  It was as if all I had learned disarmed the bomb.

I had questioned why my neuro and pain doctor would put me through all the shots, epidurals, and physical therapy.  When I met with my pain doctor he explained the ruling out process. His thought that my pain was primarily Chiari had become clear after my last epidural shot.  He was happy for me that I have the neurosurgeon I do.  And was thankful I can have the surgery so soon.  He is totally behind me. 

Now I do have friends who have questioned this decision.  And honestly I don’t know how to answer them.  Am I scared, at times, yes!  But God took away much of my fear by preparing me through understanding that some day surgery would be done.  I’m not immune to “freaking-out” though and there are some scary what if moments.

So many people have to be in the pain I’ve been in for the last few years for a decade or more.  I have days when it is obvious my brain stem is compressed.  I’m tripping over my feet and words. I tap my hand onto my thigh and the reflexive reaction is more in keeping with a mule bite than a light tap. Headaches are more severe. I can’t swollow well.

Can you imagine being like that non-stop?  Those are the people who recover but don’t.  You can’t repair a damaged brain.  How gracious of God to keep me from that.

I pray and trust God will use all of this in my life.  Is this the light at the end of the tunnel?  Oh, I surely hope so.  There are other tunnels ahead, and the storm still rages on in other areas of my life. 

God has used what the world calls a malformation to work in my life.  How so like Him!  Five months ago I was crying out to God to remove the possibility of brain surgery from my life.  The bomb was ticking right in front of me.  He disarmed it for me by mercifully letting me deal with it for five months to be able to hear the word surgery and rejoice in Him that He had indeed worked all things together for good.

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